I just got home from a vacation, but I left my wife there to get us settled. before I even got through the TSA line, I was trying to figure out how to find something to self-harm with. The images have played in my head all day. I was home alone for a time, and I nearly caved. The body memories of past sh are strong and screaming. They make me want to do more. This sucks. I have not really done anything major in many months (possibly a whole year), but now it's all I think about... I've gone longer periods (once almost 2 years), but it always comes back to this. I don't think I'll ever turely leave it behind. 22 years and counting this year...