I wrote a book in my last post, maybe it was too much? I got no responses, not even a welcome to the forum. Maybe its cause I don't accept the experience of what's normally considered hallucinations and delusions as completely mental illness. Maybe I didn't convey that I'm in pain. Its hard to talk about. I no longer get psychic attacks, as I see them, but I also no longer get the rest of the experience which expanded reality beyond my wildest dreams. Maybe that's a pun. So now I find myself with all these brainmaps I created to make my book and a lifetime of experience in my private world, but needing to merge back into mainstream society without killing myself over how depressing normal life is. I guess I'm off to a great start, getting a job after five years of unemployment, but its minimum wage. At least its outdoors. I exercise and eat right too. I'm going natural with treatment since meds just depress me too much. I see a therapist, a caseworker, and someone for community integration. Please talk to me if you got advice about merging after recovery.