Yesterday morning I was getting ready to go to my therapy appt, but got a call that T wasn't feeling well and had to cancel. Since I see her on Mondays, that means I won't see her again until June 2. I asked the receptionist to put me on a cancellation call list, hoping I can get in before then. I also left T a voicemail, asking her to do a check-in call next Thursday or Friday, because next Thursday I have to go to court since ex-H is asking the judge to lower the alimony payment. I have no desire to be nasty towards my ex, because he's not worth my time nor energy, but he goes out of his way sometimes to be a jerk to me. And when it comes to money, he really gets bent out of shape.

I have been going through an anniversary date of sorts, as far as when former T's illness started becoming more serious and affecting therapy. I find myself crying more again.

I'm also facing the fact that the MS is causing me more muscle fatigue. I used to be able to plant a dozen tomato plants in an afternoon. The other day I got extremely fatigued after planting just 3 blueberry bushes. I already use a cane, but am going to start having to use a walker more. I know I will adjust to this, but with each new phase, I grieve another loss.

I'm also feeling like I'm trying to hold back a flood of internal anguish, because I haven't had a trauma T to work with. I was hoping to start with another T in May, who would do co-therapy with me and current T. But, the one who at first thought she could do it, changed her mind. There is a new T starting soon, and current T thinks she will be a good fit. I haven't met her yet, and I don't know how soon we can actually start working together.

I think all of this is made worse by the fact that I am still battling a sinus infection. Last night, the left side of my face hurt, and I had an earache that hurt tremendously. I did get to see my PCP today, and got a different antibiotic.

I got another message today from T's office, informing me that T still wasn't feeling well, and may not be able to fit me in before June 2. I'm sure that it's just a minor illness, but parts of me are afraid because of what happened with former T.

If I'm still feeling overwhelmed tomorrow, I will leave T another voicemail, and I will ask to speak with whoever is covering for her. I just need to get some of this out and get some phone support.

And in the meantime, I welcome feedback and support from PC. Thanks.