First, i want to say that i love that i found the psych central forum -- even just reading the supportive and insightful replies to other people's posts (which are reflect issues so similar to my own) has been helpful and healing. i recognize the traps of beating myself up and not being able to accept that situations, especially relationships, may not go how i want them to. I recognize the need to love myself, but struggle with that so much.

I need help. What is really bugging me is that even on the best of days i am hung up on this one relationship. I am in a stable relationship with an understanding and supportive guy (we are working on ways for him to deal with my bouts of depression; he admits he could be more supportive when i am "needy", and recognizes that i reach out to others when he shuts down on me. let's see how that goes...) Meanwhile i am still "getting over" an emotional fling with a co-worker. We are trying to be friends. "Casual work friends". We work in a small public school and completely ignoring him seems to cause more stress than to put effort into maintaining a friendship. For all of his good qualities, he is not very good admitting his flaws, or being thoughtful, or reaching out. He clearly enjoys when i put effort into reaching out to him, but does not reciprocate. He has been cordial and even supportive, but no matter what he does, i feel insecure about our friendship.

This is a pattern with me when i am ignored or rejected by people i care about. It is the worst in the summer, fast approaching, when i feel lost without a job to define me. I recognize the pattern, and the need to fill my summer. But for now, i am seeking support finding a way to accept that this man can not be the type of friend who is good for me. I need to let go of that desire to be somehow important to him.