Welcome, birdpumpkin. Glad you found PC. It's a great place to share and get feedback.

It's good that you know you thoughts are irrational. That's a start. I would look at getting some relaxation CDs and listen to them when you start to panic. It helped me a lot when I used to have panic attacks. Of course, I also, had a therapist, which is ideal but I understand not being able to afford it. Neither can I right now.

Check out the internet. They have some good sites about relieving panic attacks or check out the bookstore or library for books on anxiety.

I can understand why you would be upset about your poor goat. Have you considered euthenasia. I know it's hard to do, I've been there with a couple of dogs I had that got so bad they wouldn't eat. It was sad but at least they were out of their misery.

Sorry to hear your Mom is going to have surgery and you can't be there. I would feel stuck myself if I were you. But under the situation you will just have to work on your anxiety alone, which is not easy but can be done. Also, now you have PC to post on and talk to other people, that should help some. Post whenever you need to.

Best wishes. Gayle