I just need somewhere to bounce these feelings around. Feedback is welcome as well...

I had a rough session with T last week. My sessions are on Thursday, and T doesn't work on Fri, Sat, Sun. T usually checks her emails in the morning. So, I know that if I send her an email after our session, there's an excellent chance she won't read it until Monday (on a rare occasion, she will check in the evening or on Fridays, but I can't count on it). I'm fine with that. I know that if I need to get a hold of her, I should text or call. Otherwise, I can expect a reply on Monday. So, I emailed T on Thursday, just to get out my feelings about the session. She didn't reply until Tuesday and by then, I was really struggling. Her reply was unhelpful and just inquired about my current mindset - I responded that I'm still struggling. No response from her. Here's the thing - I KNOW she's busy. I know we don't do therapy by email. I know that if I need support, I need to call or text her. We even have a single word text arranged that means I really need her to call me asap. So, I don't really have a reason to be mad at her...email is not an immediate form of communication.

I think, I'm more frustrated with myself, and I'm transferring that anger to T. I'm frustrated that I didn't send T that text that means I need help now. I'm frustrated that our session last week was so difficult for me. I'm struggling with the topic we're discussing - that I chose to discuss and asked T to help me stay focused on for a few sessions. I'm mad at myself because I feel like I'm sabotaging my relationship with my T and then I'm getting angry at her! None of this is her fault, and I know that. I'm still feeling anger towards her.

I know the right answer is to talk to T about all of this, but I'm just not sure how to bring it up. Anger has always felt like it's "forbidden" to me. I'm not allowed to be angry at anyone, including myself. I'm certainly not allowed to express my anger. And - if I dare to take anger at myself out on anyone else, well...that's just a really bad idea. So, I'm honestly terrified to talk to T about how I've been feeling this week. I meet with her tomorrow, and I guess I just need some help working this out and figuring out how to approach this with T, and lots and lots of support to actually talk about it.