I'm wondering if anyone here ever feels invisible to their spouses, children, and family. I can't be alone in this, but it feels so utterly and painstakingly lonely. It hurts knowing I've reached out to people I care about, and because I smother them with my problems when they ask (I don't insist they ask - THEY DO IT OF THEIR OWN WILL), they get vehement (especially my extended family) and see my actions of trying to help my mental illness as a weakness and shortcoming. The bad part is, they'll throw money at me in an instant, but I don't want their damn money. I want their understanding, time, and love. I don't think I'll ever be able to let go how they treat me when I'm out of sorts emotionally. For so many years I've been quiet. I've made my way through post-partum depression, now that's long gone, I'm struggling as a married Mom and feel like I'm raising my kid mostly alone.

I want to be the Mom and Wife my Mother couldn't take it upon herself to be. I don't want to sit here living in the past, I want a better future. I also don't deserve the emotional abuse that has been handed to me from my extended family. I don't want to recieve it anymore. Things are all fine and dandy when everything goes well, but give me one instance where I'm off balance and they find fault with ME.

I take responsibility in my life. I'm not lazy, I'm just hopeless right now. I'll be seeing a therapist soon. Otherwise, I'll be staring out into space taking care of my kid and being a dutiful wife while trying to build my dreams of writing novels (that is emotionally exhausting itself, but I find value in my life when I write. If I can ever write again, with all that's going on at home.)

Do you ever feel invisible? How are you able find purpose in your daily life?

Thanks for any thoughts. I'm still trying to figure out what is going to work for me.