I've been in therapy for a while. A huge, traumatic event occurred the other day, preceded by other "very very difficult events" in the past few months. I have reached out and asked for support. Sometimes my t answers, other times does not. It is unpredictable and brings up many abandonment issues. I have spoken to t about this and was told, "you are projecting. I have mostly been there." T is good but, at this time, I find the unpredictability of when or IF my t is going to respond to me very very painful and almost more than I can bare at times. I know I am too much at times and I am trying to comfort myself. Sometimes it seems therapy hurts more than helps. I am tired and alone and don't think I can risk reaching out again and feeling ignored. Twice in the last few weeks my T said he would call me on a certain day and did not. Like I said, when I brought this up, it was labeled as projection. I can't keep repeating this pattern.

The helping has hurt. I am so tired of the hurt. I have no idea what to do except to keep trying to offer comfort to myself. But it's not enough.

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