I am in an interesting position because my life is basically what I wanted it to be right now. I was lucky to get married youngish during a kind of remission to a man who is stoic and loyal to a fault and already knew and loved that I was a little um...exciting? And we knew from the beginning that I would stay home with our kids. And then I had my first baby youngish and still pre dx and still in the "remission". But then right when I was ready to try for my second baby I had a mixed episode that rocked my world and nothing has been the same since.

I did finally have my second baby and now I am expecting my third. I had always had a dream of having five kids. That is not going to happen and it is because of the Bipolar. It just kept getting in my way. It is fine. I don't know now that I actually want more than three anyway so I can't really get too upset about it.

But I think my future will be very different because of my BP. I had plans of getting my PhD and I had all these plans and ideas of jobs etc to do. Heck I love teaching preschool and I thought that was another thing I might do after the kids grew up. But now I see how hard all of those things would be for me. More school or a PhD are totally out of the question. I know without a doubt that I could not handle it. And even managing a classroom would be a huge thing for me. So now I feel like my life has narrowed. I need to be content with simpler things. This is fine as I generally am. But I often wish there was a little more room.