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Originally Posted by Softballjunkie8
First of all I am not looking for a diagnosis. The only thing I am searching for is someone who has had similar issues that maybe can shed some light on what I'm going through. I have no means to see a good therapist and am trying to reach peace through self-help.
At first I thought my issues were just high anxiety. I have no rituals and everything is all in my mind. I am a very kind and compassionate person. I also try my best to be religious ( I do tend to mess up though).
Since I was young I always seemed to be a bit more anxious than others. I would always pick scabs or "play" with my eyebrows. Since I have gotten older I tend to bite my nails and on occasion pick my eyebrows.
This is not what bothers me...what bothers me are my thoughts. I have blasphemous religious thoughts, thoughts of violence toward my loved ones, and just negative thoughts in general. I don't have them all the time...but when they pop in my head I immediately start questioning myself. I know that u would never act upon any of these intrusive thoughts but it shakes me. I wonder why in the world I would think such thoughts in the first place!
Anyone that could weigh in or anyone who has went through a similar experience and found peace I would looove to know you coped! Thank you very much!
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Yes, I have all of this & have for many years. When I was young I bit my fingernails. As I got into my young adulthood & became concerned about my looks, I managed to break my nail-biting addiction. Then I discovered hair-pulling. I've also done other stuff to. And I also have murderous thoughts as well. If people could see what goes on in my mind, they'd be horrified!
Thankfully they can't!
I presume that this type of thing is caused by depression & anxiety, both of which I've struggled with since early childhood. I've been on Cymbalta for 2 years now & it hasn't helped with any of these particular symptoms. Talk therapy might help. I don't have a therapist so I can't say.
I'm not a religious person. So I don't feel any religious guilt or shame regarding these thoughts. I just consider them to be the results of the firing of neurons in my brain. And I realize that my brain is damaged & so not necessarily functioning exactly the way it might otherwise.
I also believe I would never act on any of these intrusive thoughts. But you're correct, Softball, these kinds of intrusive thoughts do shake you; especially when you first begin to experience them. Unfortunately I think what tends to happen is that we tend to dwell on them because they are so frightening. And the dwelling on them, just makes matters worse.
If you don't have a meditation practice, you might look into the discipline called: "insight meditation". It may be helpful. But the main thing, I think is to just realize that these thoughts are just a sign that something is wrong & needs attention. You might consider having yourself checked out medically, if you haven't done so recently. Then, assuming that there's nothing going on medically, get with the appropriate mental health providers to get some assistance with figuring out why these intrusive thoughts are occurring. Best wishes...
