Hello,

This may be triggering to some, so please take care of yourself.

I'm an adult survivor of c.s.a. It was about 30 years ago, but I'm still haunted. I was under 10 when it happened, several times. The thing is, I wasn't alone. There were at least 3 of us victims that I know of. I am not in touch with any of them today.

Problem is, in my flashbacks, I remember how the perp - the monster - made us act out on each other, or at least, he made me do it to another. Today, I feel like I hurt another child, even though I was only one myself. We were classmates even. I can see his face in the flashback, "my victim," the horror, the desperation, the pleading look that he just wanted to get his clothes back so he could leave.

The Monster made me hurt another child.

On some level, I know it wasn't my fault, that the gun made me do it. And I was so small myself. But this is really hard to shake. I can't get that face out of my mind.

Thanks for listening.

JMOH