I am sad and lonely right now. I am very tired but can not sleep. I am so nervous about going to my doctors. I skipped my last appointment with my psyciatrist and when my family doctor finds out, he will be upset. I was afraid to go. I wish I had someone to talk to right now, I want to cry. The last couple of days I pretended like everything was fine. I was at my parents and my dad is very jugdemental. He was mean enough; if he knew what is going on; it would have been worse. My mom had wondered though. She followed me to the washroom after I ate. I did not eat much but had to have something. My dad yelled at me most of the time-I am 28yrs old. I could not do anything right. He put me down the entire 2 days. I dont think he said anything nice. The only way that I could purge after I ate; I ran the water for a bath so no one could hear me. Pretty dishonest; I know. I just could not handle facing my dad. I have many issues with him; growing up in an alcoholic home was tough sometimes. When I tried to take my life at 14 I will never forget him storming into the hospital with such an angry look on his face. He said, "what the hell are you trying to pull". Needless to say, the meds my doctors sent home; my parents threw them in the trash. About a month after I came home from the hospital my sisters and I got into a fight. They said that they wished I would have died; then beat the crap out of me. They are older then me and they are close. When one got mad at me, the other followed suit. I know I am babbling but I am trying not to harm myself. This is the only way I know how right now. Anyway, I will stop being silly. itsjustme; trying to get things out of my head.
Thanks for listening.
Talk to you all later.
Elizabeth.