No I never said that you need to get a grip, nor would I because that is a horrible thing to tell someone. You need to reframe conquering your anxiety into a positive. "Get a grip" has negative connotations, implying that you're weak or being a baby for not doing something that makes you anxious. It is the stick you use to beat yourself up for struggling. I do it all the time, and it is bad. If I oversleep, I'm lazy. If I get angry or upset, I'm pathetic. Etc. etc etc. But it just makes you feel worse and even less likely to try again next time (what's the point? I'm a failure etc)

Instead see it as a positive. You feel sad and lonely, but YOU have the power to change that (that's a good thing). Getting out of the house when you don't want to is something that you can congratulate yourself over. Getting out of the house when you don't want to and you're terrified is even more impressive. So give yourself a pat on the back for that! I'm trying to empower you to realise that, despite lacking motivation and feeling scared, you can choose to do things to make yourself feel better. That is a good thing. And when you feel good about achieving those things, it becomes even easier next time to motivate yourself because you can tell yourself that 'last time I did X even though I was scared, I felt less lonely/depressed etc'. And when your brain tells you that you're lazy or bad or whatever, you have evidence to argue with it e.g. 'I can't be bad because I'm volunteering to help animals' or 'I can't be lazy because I got up and went out today even though I didn't want to' or 'Not everyone hates me because that person at the coffee shop liked my art and wanted to chat to me'.

So no, don't 'get a grip' Newtus. Don't beat yourself up and make yourself feel worse. Instead 'take charge'. You are strong enough to make your life better. Yes it is hard and you won't get it spot on every day, but you can do it and you will feel better if you do

*Willow*