Quote:
Originally Posted by sophiej14
my boyfriend has a serious issue with communication. he's just come out of a long relationship (20 years) where communication was non non-existent and was one of the reasons it ended.
i try to talk about things that are detrimental to our relation being a success but he changes the subject or is completely vague with a 2 or 3 word answer. Its driving me mad and it really upsetting. I find myself getting really angry about it.
I have also been in a relationship were communication was non-existent and it was awful. I was so unhappy. I've told him this already and expressed my concerns about us not making the same mistakes all over again.
I need some advice  |
sophiej i'm going to have to ask you what your idea of communication is...
what i mean by that is how do you approach situations that upset you?
the reason i ask this is because it's all about the way the situation is approached, if you are yelling and screaming and throwing things,etc.
you probably are not going to get much of a response.
i will use myself as an example, i'm all about communication if it is two adults sitting down and discussing things in a logical manner, one of my ex's idea of communication was yelling at me like i was a farm animal...i don't have to tell you how much cooperation she got out of that. soooooo..she felt i didn't want to communicate...she was wrong, i didn't want to participate in a shouting match/yelling contest.
so i did exactly what your bf does...i either gave the vague answer to avoid confrontation/ or i changed the subject(or i got real quiet and stopped talking period,takes 2 people to argue!). i don't know if this is the case( i'm sure he knows you a heck of a lot better than i do!) BUT....i have a strong suspicion it may just have a little to do with your approach, just maybe.
i can't imagine if you approached him in a calm matter and said" honey, i have a couple of things on my mind that i think would be beneficial for the both of us to discuss" nice, calm, peaceful..even holding his hand while you are doing this, that he wouldn't respond favorably.
there is an old saying i once heard that goes something like this :" you will get more flies with honey than you will with vinegar"
i don't know for sure if this is the case..but if so..you might want to layoff the vinegar..if you catch my drift.
hope this helps and good luck!
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I have learned that i and i alone am responsible for my happiness, most people these days are as reliable as wet toilet paper!
