My partner is understanding and loves me. He is not always able to give me the emotional support i need -- he loses patience with me, and is not always to articulate his thoughts in a way that feel supportive. I am learning that. He is trying harder.

Meanwhile, i am fixated on this other relationship with an unattainable guy. It is a pattern that i thought i had broken when i partnered with my current mate. And yet, psychologically the draw is still there. I put a lot of mental energy into worrying about the status of our friendship, worrying about his opinion of me and wanting to be closer with him and his wife. Weird, and not healthy, i know.

In the end i think i need to find more ways to define myself. I don't have children and i keep coming back to that as a problem. I need to accept that and find other ways of feeling like i can do some good in the world.

Any suggestions or feedback would be appreciated. More than anything i just want to connect with other people.