Still not in a good place. Thank you all for your replies.
Isolated myself last night. This community was the only place I went online last night. I am not sure what to think because I emailed my therapist yesterday and told her where my mind was but I haven't received a reply. I really like her, but it would have possibly helped to feel like someone actually cared if she would have replied. Oh well, story of my life: nobody cares.