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almondjoy · May 22, 2014, 09:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

I know I'm late to the convo here, but I am in a very similar position. I am a special ed teacher and I have seriously emotionally disturbed kids. I love working there but some days the kids are so challenging I can't handle it. And I get jealous because the kids just flip out when they've had too much (throwing chairs/desks, cursing at me, calling me every name in the book) but I can't do that and I want to some days if my mood dictates it. Two psychiatrists have told me I should not be functioning at work because of the severity of my condition. My main pdoc has said the same thing Bpnurse said - take leave or be hospitalized. I "chose" hospital believe it or not. Basically I refused to take leave and she called the cops to take me against my will ( I signed a voluntary order after I realized I would not get my way).

This last time I agreed only because I was so paranoid I was terrified to leave the house and was making dangerous driving moves because I felt everyone wAs trying to hurt me. Spent six days inpatient and went back to work the day after I got out. My pdoc said I'm not giving myself a chance to recover.

But financially I am not in a place to take leave. My husband just came clean to me about his opiate addiction. He has had to quit his job because it was too triggering for him and he would have used. He's only two weeks clean. I took a week off while he was in detox but I had to go back. We can't both be out of work.

Over the weekend I have felt much more stable. Still a tiny bit hypo and very severe anxiety. I am Afraid my job is causing this instability. My bipolar was mild for six years. I didn't need medication. I didn't get manic (just hypo) I didn't have mixed episodes, I didn't have psychosis. All of this bull butter started when I got this job.

So I have no advice, just wanted to tell you I understand. I'm in a similar quandary.

Hello wildflowerchild!

Thank you so much for sharing that with me (and sorry for my late response). I'm so sorry you're going through this and hope you're feeling a bit better...

That must be really hard at work for you. It sounds very stressful and challenging. I know America's employment guidelines seem extremely different to here, but maybe another job may be what you need. I know it's easier said than done.. I was in my last job longer than I knew I should have been and am so glad I got out of there.
My husband is a disability carer and I find myself sometimes really angry about/jealous of the people he looks after because he has more grace with them when they flip out than he does with me. But then, I can't imagine if it were me in his or your position and having to maintain my composure while they're flipping out..I really feel for you.

Also, I know that I'm not one to talk, but going back to work the day after getting out of hospital really isn't giving yourself to recover. I do the same thing, I just do what I have to do and am straight back at work. Sometimes I'm afraid that if I don't go straight back that I'll just end up in a million tiny pieces, so I just have to keep myself going.

I think our situations are more similar than you know - my husband came clean to me last week that he has been drinking again after 3 years of sobriety. It might not be such a big deal if prior to this he hadn't been incarcerated multiple times for drug and alcohol-related offenses, as well as breaking probation (by drinking) and ending up in a rehab facility a number of times (one of those stints was for 11 months). He truly believes that he is now able to drink without it becoming a problem again - which may or may not be the case, he hasn't been overdoing it - but it really hurt that he kept this from me for months, lied to me when I asked him about his drinking, where his money was going, and it hurt a lot that he said the reason he couldn't talk to me before he started again was because I wasn't well (although he knew exactly how I felt about his addiction in the first place, so it just seemed more like a convenient excuse). Maybe it's my fault. I don't know.

He loves me very much and I know he just wants to get through this.. But it is hard! His income can be pretty tight, so he's been really stressed about me being unwell and the talk of me needing time off etc...

I don't have any advice either - I guess I just want to tell you that I understand the stress of money, addictions, not being well, and still trying to function to some degree. I'm always here if you want to vent, talk, anything.

I hope you're feeling alright this week!!!

AJ xo

PS - sorry if this is a big post or anything didn't make sense, my head isn't in the best place at the moment!