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Narcissistic Personality Disorder
One of the few conditions where the patient is left alone and everyone else is treated.
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Damn straight! Hahahahaha.
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I've been out of therapy for many months now and find that I can really try harder on reflecting on whats needed rather than the circles my last two therapists made my mind travel on.
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That's what therapy has always felt like for me, going in circles. And eventually I just end up exploiting my therapists too! I pretend to be "better" but it's all an act to gain their admiration because I'm just so pissed off at their inability to actually help me in a genuine way. I end up picking them apart and destroying their self-esteem and funnily enough I didn't recognize that pattern until recently. Then when I get bored with that, I move on(which trust me, it doesn't take long... hahahaha).
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I am diagnosed NPD, INTJ and a gemini so to sum it all up my mind is a mess.
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I'm obviously NPD too, as well as INTJ... but I'm a pisces. Supposedly a really selfless sign, I find it fun to shatter that stereotype.
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I am learning or at least working on maintaining a "I don't care about what anyone views me as" attitude lately. Trying to remove the many different faces I have shown and wearing nothing but I don't give a f&$% about you real face that I own, that I am!!
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I think you just nailed one of my major issues. I wear a lot of masks as narcissists tend to do, and therapists get this idea at first that I'm unusually empathetic and caring when NOTHING could be further from the truth! So I end up playing games with them until they figure me out and then I get annoyed at them and blame them for not figuring it out sooner! I think I'll take a page out of your book and just put on my real face, the "I don't give a flying **** about you and your situation" face that is the real me and stop concealing who I really am.
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I have put on a face that I no longer will, one that tolerated things like this. I don't need someone I don't care about accept me, to understand me or for me to worry about offending them if I am annoyed. Truth is I let my mind play out so many scenarios at all times and this makes me nuts. I don't even care about a therapist helping me with npd. I wish I could find someone to helps learn how to not care about so many things that I let hold me back.
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Ditto, I've been doing a lot of thinking since I wrote this post and I am past done with bothering.
The bolded part is what I want help with. I don't want to change who I am, I want to modify the things that I know are holding me back. Thanks for writing that!