Hi JMOH,

If I am reading this right, you were held at gunpoint and made to do stuff?

omg! That's so horrible! I am so sorry you underwent this traumatic incident. I hope you are currently working with a therapist.

I can't emphasize this enough, you were in no way responsible for what you did. It's difficult enough to say no to a person older or in a higher power position than you, even if you are an adult yourself....how can a child say no. In this case, you also had a gun pointed at you.

Please let go of that guilt. You are not responsible for what you did, when you were forced to do it by an adult...holding a gun. Your therapist will help you do just that.

One thing you can try, is imagine yourself to be the monster and imagine doing what he did. That's how I developed a little empathy for myself and a disgust towards by abuser.

We're here to help you in any way we can!

good luck!