I really hate myself right now. I hate that I get so angry and cant control it. I hate that I lash out at my partner and she doesnt deserve that. I have become the one thing I never wanted to be. I have stated to become my father. That makes me even more angry and upset. My partner says it's ok and she's used to it. But that's not right!!! WTF! I try so hard to contain and not be a mean abusie person and yet here I am.

I am broken and will never be fixed. She should just tell me to get out. Se knows what her mother went through with an abusive person. She should kick me to the curb cuz she knows it always escalates.

She's all I have and u treat her like crap. What is wrong with me? There's nothing that can fix me. I should just die. She and the world would be better off without me.