Oh...I know how you feel, especially the last sentence. I have said that so many times, to myself and aloud...I'm not sure what I can say other than please don't think that you'll never be fixed. I had that thought for a bit, landed in the hospital, worked like heck to get out...still have the depressed, self-deprecation mode from time to time (like today), but I reach out here for support...Best to you.