See I knew someone would get me lol. I think that we as people dealing with a lesson taught from an early age need to grasp that what really is holding us back is only us. Us being our own minds, the quicker we can learn how to not care about what we are perceived to be or what or how or anything for that matter is the real conditioning on becoming better. For me I let my mind play over and over to have a picture on what I see on how something that already past should of been. This is obviously something I cannot change but yet I let my mind stir which in turn causes me more problems because I feel like I wasn't right in dealing with. How do I say well thats done on move ahead? This is the true curse, my new mind set is to work through not caring about a situation enough to give it a second thought. Be me from the start and then how can I feel wrong in the end? My wife tells me there is never an in-between with me. Im either all in or all out and this goes for everything. I am approaching 40 and have figured out that I really don't need people other than my family in my life. Yes to have people to talk with and all the BS is fine but to try and become close with someone outside of my immediate circle is something I no longer have any interest in. It has usually only been for my own needing of whatever that it has happened anyways. I have had close relationships with friends, a couple in HS that I really don't care about and 3 in life. Two of them have died and one said something that made me never want to speak to him again(he is also a godfather to my second son). Just as an idea of the NPD trait, a bunch of people were at my house and this friend of no longer owns a landscaping company. He was doing my neighbors lawn and came over to say hello to the people here. One of them said why don't you do this lawn (meaning mine) and he replied fu*& him he can do it himself. That was it for me lol.
We need to take on who we are and stop hiding behind these stupid masks. Forget what people think and only care what we do. Own things for ourselves and not rely on them as it only continues the pattern of fakeness. Next tattoo: JUDGED BY-SELF!!!!! Screw therapists who cant understand us because in all honesty there are probably less than 1% who can.