Quote:
Originally Posted by Rayne Selene
My fiancé is a very hard worker, and I love that about him. He has always been a hard worker for as long as I've known him. However, within the last year he got into this hobby of creating salt water coral tanks. Apparently this is a big thing and is all-consuming. I get that he's into it, but sometimes it's like he's utterly obsessed with it. He recently decided to turn it into a business with buying and selling coral stuff for a profit, and I'm very proud of him that he's being so successful. However, it is something he spends all of his extra time doing, and it really started to cut in to the time that I had him to myself. I expressed my frustration about this to him, and at first it seemed like he adjusted politely and made big efforts to keep work separate. But now, I feel like he thinks this is a part of his life that "makes me angry" and that he can't talk to me about. He rarely talks to me about his life anymore, and always seems distracted. I have heard him say several times to customers or friends that "we need to make this quick, it makes my girl mad when I spend too much time on the tanks." I don't like being portrayed this way--because it doesn't make me mad! I don't think it was wrong for me to ask him to be sure to set aside time to be with me, and I don't think I have ever gotten "mad". Anyways, things have gotten to a point that I feel like he really isn't communicating with me anymore. (Bear with me, this is going to get a bit he said/she said). I really started to get anxious this week after I talked to one of his friends and he told me that my fiancé had said that he's not ready to get married for a few years at least, that he can't deal with that stress in addition to all his other stress right now. What stress? He hasn't told me about anything! He also just got another job for the summer, one that takes up a lot of time. He didn't even tell me he was applying.
I'm just so confused, and I'm not sure how to fix this. I'm worried that this came about of me being too clingy or smothering, and I really don't mean to be. He's just the best thing in my life right now and I truly feel that I'm meant to be with him. I don't know when things took such a left turn, but now it feels as though we want different things but that he doesn't feel he can express his wants to me. I'm scared. I really don't know what I'll do if I lose this relationship.
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rayne...try to understand that this is something that is very important to him, if you try to take this away from him in ANY way, shape or form..i can guarantee you he will resent it..FOR LIFE! he will never let you forget it.
if you want the relationship, this is something you are going to have to accept..apparently this is one of his goals in life..if you love him, it would behoove you to support him in this endeavor, to ask him to stop doing this or applying pressure he will start to see you as controlling & you'll only run him off.
your fiance' is wise to hold off on marriage & you should be all for it..why? you ask, because starting a business is very stressful and time consuming which will trickle over into your marriage and adversely affect it, if he is to be successful he is going to have to concentrate a lot of time & energy into the business, consequently you will need to be understanding and patient.
you guys SHOULD NOT be getting married until you are financially stable,
money/finances is a HUGE part of any union and one of the top reasons marriages fail is because of money problems.
you don't want to rush into a marriage only to see it fail, "struggling together" only works in the movies & not in real life. relationships alone are difficult, marriage multiplies the difficulty times 10.you want to give your union the best chance for success & having your money in order goes a long way toward securing that.
now on the flip side, if your needs aren't being met emotionally to your satisfaction..then you need to reconsider the whole idea of marriage.
problems DO NOT go away because people say "i do". in fact the multiply after the wedding bells stop. ask yourself what is it you want out of this relationship.ask yourself can your fiance give this to you. i get the opinion you are in a hurry to get married...what is the rush? if you love him and he loves you..why not wait to get everything in order to make it right??
i hope you consider what i have to say..i believe it will help you a lot..good luck!
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I have learned that i and i alone am responsible for my happiness, most people these days are as reliable as wet toilet paper!
