Hi, deejade, and welcome to Psych Central! As you say, your current behavior is the result of what you went through in the past. I also agree that you are young to be thinking about settling into a marriage relationship, especially since you do have these unresolved issues.

You might want to head over to the Survivors of Abuse forum here and tell them what you are dealing with. I suspect some of them will understand and can also offer some thoughts and maybe suggestions for working through your past.