In this weeks session, I delved into feelings of shame and terror from CSA. I understand the need to let myself feel all the things that I couldn't let myself feel as a child. But when the session ended, I was still stuck in those emotions. I generally don't keep an eye on the clock so when T told me that we needed to end, I had no time to pull myself together before having to leave the room.

Afterwards, I was unable to shift myself into a better emotional space and...to make a long story short, my night ended with me being taken off a bridge in handcuffs by cops suspecting me of a suicide attempt.

Now that I've had a few days to recover, I am angry at T for letting me leave the room without helping me come to more emotional stability. He knows that I have had suicidal thoughts and gestures when I have difficult emotions. I really think that the bridge incident would not have happened if he had helped me process the feelings rather than just access them. Or at least taken a more active role in getting me more emotionally stable before the end of the session. Or he could have called me later to check on me.

It's made me realize that this experience has been retraumatizing, and that there have been several other examples of me leaving His office feeling retraumatized.

When I talked to him on the phone briefly yesterday, he indicated that maybe it would be best if I stop therapy. This leaves me feeling very vulnerable because I have become attached to him and would feel so rejected if he told me to stop coming. But I'm also wondering where does his responsibility lie in this situation? I feel that I can't see this really clearly right now because of my attachment to him.