Quote:
Originally Posted by Chartres
In this weeks session, I delved into feelings of shame and terror from CSA. I understand the need to let myself feel all the things that I couldn't let myself feel as a child. But when the session ended, I was still stuck in those emotions. I generally don't keep an eye on the clock so when T told me that we needed to end, I had no time to pull myself together before having to leave the room.
Afterwards, I was unable to shift myself into a better emotional space and...to make a long story short, my night ended with me being taken off a bridge in handcuffs by cops suspecting me of a suicide attempt.
Now that I've had a few days to recover, I am angry at T for letting me leave the room without helping me come to more emotional stability. He knows that I have had suicidal thoughts and gestures when I have difficult emotions. I really think that the bridge incident would not have happened if he had helped me process the feelings rather than just access them. Or at least taken a more active role in getting me more emotionally stable before the end of the session. Or he could have called me later to check on me.
It's made me realize that this experience has been retraumatizing, and that there have been several other examples of me leaving His office feeling retraumatized.
When I talked to him on the phone briefly yesterday, he indicated that maybe it would be best if I stop therapy. This leaves me feeling very vulnerable because I have become attached to him and would feel so rejected if he told me to stop coming. But I'm also wondering where does his responsibility lie in this situation? I feel that I can't see this really clearly right now because of my attachment to him.
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here in NY (the one in the USA as opposed to other locations) its not the therapists responsibility to make sure their clients walk out the door not act out or attempt suicide after a session. a therapists responsibilities end the moment the client leaves that therapists office...
or like a teacher. a teachers job ends at the end of school its the students responsibility to go home and apply what they have learned, do the homework and such...
or a medical doctor....they see the patient, prescribe the meds/ or other treatment and then its the patients job to follow through with taking care of their self so that they get better...
therapy isnt a situation where a therapist acts like a care taker. they can supply a safe room where you can unload your troubles, learn about yourself, learn how to take care of your problems and then when you have left their office its your responsibility to take care of yourself,
question did you let the therapist know that you did not feel ready to go home yet? therapists are not mind readers. they dont know when you are feeling ok or not, its you that must tell them when you are not feeling "done"
most treatment providers have a waiting room/lobby/reception area where its not just used for waiting for your appointment, its also for if clients are not in a safe mind set, they can take their time, pulling their self together. they can go sit down in the lobby/reception area, read, or write, take some breathing time and then leave the building when they are ready.
before you ended up on the bridge in handcuffs did you call your therapist and say hey, Im feeling suicidal here? again the treatment provider doesnt know what you do or how you feel after you have left their office...
heres an example....
Im a survivor of child sexual abuse... sometimes my therapist and I get to talkng about some pretty heavy stuff... when its times up my therapist must go on to the next client. thats what her job is. shes not my caretaker, I have choices I can make once time is up....
I can tell my therapist Im not feeling so good and ask for some more time if she has any available that day, or in the next few days...
I can leave her office area and sit in the lobby/reception area until I feel I can be safe with myself and others....
I can go home and see if things get better and if not call my therapist or a crisis line, or go to the emergency room.....
I can call a friend and let them know I dont feel like I can be safe with myself or be alone right now can I come over....
I can talk with my wife and let her know Im not feeling so hot right now, please hold me....
my point is its not my therapists responsibility to see that I dont self harm, try to kill myself, or other ways I may feel like acting out after therapy...its my responsibility to take care of me and make sure that Im safe with myself and others.
for situations where I cant be safe with myself and others thats when I am under inpatient care...thats where mental health treatment providers watch me and keep me safe when I cant do that for myself.
here in America we have the freedom to make our own choices unless we have whats called a guardian....thats when a court makes the decision that an adult is unable to make their own decisions, someone is appointed to watch over the person and make their physical and mental health decisions for them.
there are some treatment providers that will check in with the client to see whether that person is ok but its not one of their job requirements.
my suggestion if you would like your treatment provider to check in with you about how you are doing before you leave their office you can ask them to do so. they will tell you whether they can do that...though it may mean you have less time with your treatment provider for discussing your problems because most mental health agencies in america run on the policy that each client gets an hour. so when the hour is up its the next clients turn. how that computes with after session check ins you and your treatment provider may decide to stop your sessions at for example 40 minutes so that you have 10-15 minutes to discuss how you felt the session went and whether you feel like self harming or suicidal... and then of course you need to look at what the agency rules are that your therapist will have to follow should you be in a self harming or suicidal state of mind...if its like my treatment provider being suicidal or in self injury state of mind after therapy means inpatient care and stopping therapy until the hospital says Im stable and able to handle talking about the trauma and abuse without being a danger to myself or others.