Thanks everyone, for your responses.

I definitely take responsibility for my actions - I'm the one who made decisions that led to the handcuffs.

But T knows enough about me to reasonably anticipate that I was at risk afterwards. At the end of the session I was still curled in a ball facing away from him and crying. T knows that when I am deeply distressed, sometimes something "switches" in my brain and I become self destructive. I have also told him several times that when I am in this state is when I am LEAST likely to reach out for help.

I have become so attached to him that I feel it would be devastating to end the relationship with him at this point.

He has a transpersonal orientation, and I've never asked him if he specifically has experience with trauma. I asked him once, fairly early on, if he has ever had suicidal clients and he said yes. He also told me at another point that he worked with a family around csa. He has over 20 years of experience and is overall a very competent T (I've seen some less competent ones before finding him!) but i do feel he dropped the ball by not helping me ground and regroup before leaving the session.