Quote:
Originally Posted by Chartres
So yeah, I'm angry with him, but I'm also afraid by the idea of stopping seeing him. I've invested so much - time, energy, money, emotion, vulnerability - in seeing him, and he has helped me in so many ways. But I can't have this happen again. And I need him to reach out to me more. I'm starting to wonder if he truly CARES about me, not just that he is concerned about me.
Sometimes I wonder if maybe I didn't go to the bridge because I wanted his attention? Because I wanted someone to save me? I hate saying that because it is so embarrassing and I don't think that is completely true, but maybe there is some truth to it.  |
yea suicidal for attention been there done that. its a hard thing to fall into and know thats what we are doing and once we know it its hard to break that cycle.
not reaching out when you know you really need it. again been there done that...
expecting or wanting the therapist to swoop in and be the savior...again been there done that....
It was a long road but I learned the attention from suicide was negative attention (lectures, long sessions on reviewing what to do when I got this way, slowing down or stopping sessions, inpatient care....) was not the kind of attention I wanted...
what I wanted was more time with my therapist, my therapist to comfort me, my therapist to be my shoulder to cry on, share a laugh or two....
I learned that the only way I was going to get the positive attention I was looking for was to ask for it.
heres an idea that helped me....
I started asking for the attention during times when I wasnt in crisis....
T...how are things going today?
me...great I accomplished so much this week...this is what went on today and this week...I feel so good today I feel like I need someone to give me a hug and say great job today. would you be that person please?
therapist laughing...sure I can and I would also like to congratulate you on asking for something you need. do you realize this is the first time you have asked for what you need in here? then she proceeded to tell me how proud she was of me and my accomplishments..
walking out of her office that day I was walking on air because I got a hug, recognition and was listened to.
the more I asked for the positive attention during non crisis times made it so much easier to ask for the positive attention when I was in crisis.
it worked for me maybe this will work for you.
