I feel almost exactly this same way. I started a depressive/mixed episode in February and went back to the doctor in March. It got really bad in March/April and I felt like I lost my mind. Doctor started me on lamictal because the lithium wasnt therapeutic and after I got it to 100 mg I started freaking out and having crying jags and being fearful and generally just out of it. Stopped the lamictal...saw the doc again and she prescribed Latuda. Took it for a few days and realized how expensive it would be and stopped it. Went back on the lamictal because I figured the freaking out could have been situational.... well yesterday after 3 days on 100 mg I had the same sort of derealization, crying stay away from me reaction again.

I'm trying the latuda again. I'll be able to get samples until I know it works or not, but I'm just so frustrated with the medical merry-go-round. I don't know what to do. I need to find work. I need to be able to enjoy my children and my life. I can't handle this. IT makes me want to be gone from this earth. You all understand the pain of not being able to just be with yourself.... but few other people do. I think I sound selfish, but they don't have to live with the constant misery that nothing touches???