Quote:
Originally Posted by gon3withth3wend
So I met this guy earlier this week on a popular phone app. I've been pretty lonely but not looking for a hookup, and I explained that to him and he really wanted to meet me. I was feeling self conscious but I met him anyways. I don't think he was as physically attracted to me as he expected from my pictures. I do not falsely represent myself in my photos: I am a fairly attractive person, but I was not having the best day (or week). I've been kind of beating myself up because I feel like maybe he'd like me more if he thought I was prettier, and all I would've had to do was wait until maybe next week until I felt and looked better. He's not really my romantic type.... he's shorter, less muscular, doesn't eat well.... he's just not quite as masculine as I like, but I still found him intriguing and want to be friends.
Honestly, our conversation was just okay. We talked for three or four hours but there wasn't quite a romantic spark, I guess... I really at least want to be just friends. I keep on going on that app and seeing that he's been online but he hasn't messaged me back since the last time I messaged him. We'd been talking every day since we met (except today), but our conversations have been kind of boring. He stopped responding around this time yesterday, and I don't know why! I've been thinking about him constantly, and I even found his facebook and looked through all of his public pictures and his friends. I think there are two reasons why I want to be friends with him so badly. For one, he is from France and has a really cute accent, (there may be some kind of language/cultural barrier) but also because during our conversation he noted that he really felt strongly against sexual violence towards females (I know, interesting conversation) but I was really drawn to that because I've been a victim of sexual violence, and I normally feel that guys are out to objectify and/or violate me. I think he'd just be a good friend that I could feel safe hanging out with. I just feel bad because I don't want to smother him but I really want to be friends and hang out more during the summer. What do I do? Should I just let it go and admit that he doesn't want to be my friend?
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This is kinda a tricky one, actually.
You say at first that you don't want a 'hook-up' but that he wants to meet you anyway...then many times later in your post you seem to suggest you're disappointed there WASN'T a romantic connection (aka hook-up with longevity). You go on to point out things you found not particularly enticing about him, but then mention that the real reason you want to be friends is because he's french and has a cute accent, and he has stated he doesn't beat up women (paraphrase)
First....it's not about the accent. While it is cute, remember, he is who he is if he had NO particular accent. Would you still find him 'friend' material? In fact, that seems a bit shallow--please don't infer an insult: most of us can get turned on by certain accents, but the fact is...it's shallow, if that's one of the MAIN reasons friendship is desired.
Second....it's not about his saying he's against hurting women (physically, sexually OR emotionally) because the fact is, if a man IS into doing that, they are generally not stupid enough to tell you. And I was involved with a man who swore he abhorred physical violence in general..against women in particular, and nearly from the day I moved in, until I moved out under police guard 6 months later, he beat me up emotionally first, then physically as his distain and disgust with my pleas for him to stop increased. In other words, just cause he talks the talk, doesn't mean he walks the walk.
My two cents: let it go. If he wants to be friends later, fine, but I think the more distance you put between he and you, the more likely you'll decide you didn't really want to be friends after all....that it was the accent, the first-time heart to heart and mostly, you're lonliness that tried to trick you into what could have been a disaster. At any rate, you deserve better.....not someone you have to qualify or explain.
Take care.
