Hello friends.

I have been going though a particularly long episode (at least for me) of mixed states. I do not know what started it but when it did start I got some deep depression, thinking very low of myself and tearing myself down. When I hit rock bottom I started raging out and hating the world. Then I got real guilty about raging and slip back into how much of a monster I am again. Then the rage starts back up. Rinse, repeat, rinse, repeat, etc.

When I do start pulling out of that spiral the GF (you know from the previous posts how supportive of me she is) starts talking about how I am distant and how she feels lonely and how hard it is to let me have space and how much it hurts her when I am unwell. These are all valid feelings to talk about but as I am not completely well I just get overwhelmed with guilt and get kicked back into the cycle again

I have tried to tell her to wait to talk to me when I am well. But she just won't listen to me. So now it is even worse. Now I get into a deep depression about how much I hurt her and push her away and how I do not deserve what she does for me. That festers into a rage fueled by her not listening and blaming me for not being there for her when I am unwell and unable. This rage targets her and I say some pretty ****ed up stuff to her which then triggers.... well you get it by now. This has dragged on for weeks and I need her to let me get better.

Could someone, anyone, help her understand that she is not helping me like this? She won't listen to it coming from me.