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Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006
yes here I am again. But these are serious questions. >.>
Ok so from multiple people, primarily other single guys, they've sid time and again to stop letting myself fall into the spell of women that end up flirting and then when I fall, I fall flat on my face as they step out of the way. I know that this is 99% my own fault because. well. EMOTIONS! Being BPD, I suffer from many things that makes it hard to avoid this.. but I need to.
So... they say to stop caring so much about the attention you get and not to let on that I'm really interested. Some guys and one of my friends said that even being "mean" works. well. truth be told, I can't see myself going that far but what of this casual attitude? Is that true? Does that make women more attracted to men? I would never outright treat a lady badly but even just being a bit more relaxed about it is very difficult for me.
Something I realized though. I thought about this and tell me if I'm accurate here. Being interested, and not showing it so passionately or so openly is not necessarily being disingenuine? I always have a battle going on in this area, in that I've always thought that if I wasn't quite such an easy "catch" for them they might take to chasing me more but at the same time I'm at odds with it because I've always felt I would be being deceitful. I have fought for so many years as a submissive type person that goes along with everyone, to find my own way so it's hard for me to go against the natural way I am. Does that make sense?
Anyway I'm just wondering, especially from the ladies, is this more attractive to women, for a guy to just kind of "not care"? That is without being rude or cocky.
Just curious.
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i think the key is to just be yourself & also try not to get caught up with every girl you meet(kinda hard being BPD as well, but it takes practice).
i have never had a lot of trouble as far as attracting a gf, my troubles start when the relationship begins generally.
IMHO personality and a sense of humor rank high on a woman's list( now of course this is JMHO and going by personal experience, any gals reading this feel free to correct me if i am incorrect).
so i don't subscribe to the school of thought to not let a woman know i am interested, i will let a woman know i am interested right away..i get straight to the point,if she is not interested..well i keep on trucking,what else can you do? you have to look at it as her loss, self confidence is pretty important too.
i do believe that women are attracted to man who is sure of himself( ladies. again if i am wrong....)
every woman is different, but generally being a well dressed man will score you some points..appearance is important. i firmly believe you never get a second chance to make a good first impression, the better the impression, the better your chances. call it shallow or superficial if you must..but the fact remains it is still a fact of life,whether we agree with it or not.
women are visual creatures too, maybe not as much as us guys but still,looks and appearance do matter..as a perspective bf you represent her & her taste.
i would think most women would like a guy they can be proud of..i have been "trophied" around more than once in my moons on this planet( a lil awkward feeling but, whatever.)
different women are attracted to different things..so there really isn't a "one size fits all" approach to dating or finding a potential mate. first of all i would think about what specifically you want in an ideal mate, you don't want to attract just anybody..but someone that is compatible with you that can accept you for who you are and there is mutual attraction.
so to sum up, just be who you are..casual flirting is fine..but leave it at that and have fun with it, try not to make it a job and enjoy it & things will start to fall in your lap! i hope this helps and good luck!
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I have learned that i and i alone am responsible for my happiness, most people these days are as reliable as wet toilet paper!
