Thanks to everyone for your responses. I think I was just eager to talk and breaking under the pressure to believe the coincidence was yet another reason to think I was being singled out for lifelong isolation. I am so comforted that you want to console me.

faerie_moon_x Maybe you are a chosen one in your own microcosm. I think it helps to look at yourself like that. Everyone's destiny is important, but sometimes we lose sight of that in saying words like 'everyone'. I think in order to make this world work for you, we need to see it in terms of us being the center. After all, we can only start from there. I really don't believe that my thoughts have been false. Maybe someday I might, but I believe that if I stay on the path of the highest logic and love, that I can find the path to heal myself, no matter what it takes. It sounds like you're not exactly feeling like any of your thoughts were helpful, but you did say you missed the feeling of power. We're talking self-empowerment I think and not take over the world power. I find that a lot of schizophrenic experiences people report having full on hallucinations that don't seem to fit any patterns, like hearing orders to kill or seeing the sidewalk burn. While I think I have much more control over mine, I get extremely painful depression, some social paranoia, and what others would call verbal hallucinations. And a tiny bit of a manic rush when things start going well.

Weeping Willow 23... I mean that one half my personality seems to mostly believe in this alternate life in my head with truly incredible understandings about life and the universe, that my life has much more meaning that a mere one life and stuff... and the other half has the simple fearful understanding of a child trying to merge as a woman confident in herself. I've been out of the game of life for four years, seven since I went off the deep end in the first place, despite having socialized a lot then, mostly. I would like to talk about what I'm expected to do to overcome such a gap. Its not like I spent some time on a deserted island, I was stuck inside my head thinking and often being beyond terrified. I'd like to hear from some fellow sufferers.

And you're going the natural route too? I'm so pleased to hear from someone who doesn't take meds. I really can't, I'd want to kill myself. I think I need the emotions I'm rooted in to understand myself and fuel my recovery or I'll sink into confusion and depression. Not that meds aren't perfect for times when you can't handle it all.

PS Yoda, I like the picture too.