It's hopeless She just picks out what she wants to justify what she does. I was elevated and just tore into her for not even trying. I know I did wrong, I know I said things I should not have said in ways I should not have said them and she stormed out the house saying a few nasty things of her own. Although I know I was wrong, I can't help but think "I hope she doesn't come back"

I love her. I really do. I love when we mess around and go on our mini-adventures.
But I also hate her. I really do. I hate the guilt she dumps on me and the way she blames me for my illness when it is convenient.

Right now I am really pissed. I want her just to pack her bags and leave. I want her to cuss me out and tell me I am nothing to her, that she hates me and never wants to see me again. I want her to hit me, scream, throw something. Whatever the outcome, I want her to wash her hands of me.

If she does leave me I know I won't feel the pain tonight but it will hit me in the morning. I will have regrets and cry till there is nothing left inside. I might even think about trying to get her back. But it would never be the same again even if she could ever love me again.

Am I a bad person? Wanting this woman to hate me enough to leave me on the curb? I want her to throw back every hateful thing I have ever gave to her these past four years. I want her to destroy me and walk away and never look back. Then maybe, just maybe, I might feel at peace.