If you don't feel like sharing that's okay but what is the side effect you're referring to? Is it really worth feeling this way? Maybe an alternative med would not cause the problem (or to a much lesser degree) and possibly even work better for you too... I know you said you've tried them all, but there are a whole lot of em out there nowadays and they can't all have the exact same side effect for you.

I feel like that sometimes like I shouldn't even be alive and stuff, but you and I are just as deserving as anyone else. And if you are not a shallow, judgmental, only-out-for-your-own-gain-and-****-who-you hurt a**hole then you are more deserving than about 1/2 of the population. You are under no obligation to be a rich, super-successful, whatever person. If you just make an effort to be nice to others and to not be a jerk who takes advantage of people and puts people down for no reason then that's all you need to do and you are more than worthy in my book.

A lot of people lie - most of them do it for personal gain (and are hurting others in the process). I'm not saying it's a good habit, but you don't need to feel bad about it unless you are manipulating people for your own ends, in which case you should feel bad about it (but you're not so you don't have to in my opinion). But you certainly don't need to feel like you have to lie to please others... maybe just be yourself and if it's not happy and cheerful and exciting enough for them then ***** em...

I am in a bad place too and have been for a long, long time so I abuse substances to escape... I don't see a better life for myself so I just keep doing it because I feel like I basically have nothing to lose by killing myself slowly like this.

I don't know if that helps but I'm sorry you feel this way. I feel really hopeless, isolated, worthless, unwanted and trapped as well so I know how you feel and a lot of others here do too...