Quote:
Originally Posted by The Skeezyks
Yes, I am very fortunate, indeed. Wow, a 19 year old Dachshund! Our dog (we think he's part poodle & part schnauzer) is around 9 or 10. (He was a rescue dog. So we don't know for sure.) But because he & I walk so much, he's in good shape. People who see him are surprised he's as old as he is.
Do you ever talk with your internet friends via Skype or another similar service? I had downloaded Skype at one point, but I never used it so eventually I deleted it. I am on YouTube, though. And this is where I spend most of my time & where I've come to know the most people. It takes work. But it seems like the relationships I developed on YouTube have been the most lasting of anywhere I've gone on the internet.
I made my most serious suicide attempt yet a bit over 2 years ago, I guess it was. And I don't think it's stretching the truth too far to say that YouTube has played a large role in keeping me going since then. And, of course, now there's PC. I only became familiar with the social media on the internet about 3 or 4 years ago. Prior to that, I would have scoffed if anyone would have suggested that it would save my life. But it has.
So, I guess what I'm suggesting, in a roundabout way, Wolfatheart, is that there is something out there that you can use to keep yourself going. The internet isn't a substitute for real-life friends. But it's not bad either. So if there's no way to make any real-life friends in your current situation, then maybe see if there isn't someplace on the internet where you can get to know like-minded people. Your current living situation isn't going to last forever. It's a rough period of time that you have to struggle through. But it can get better. You just need a plan for making it better, & something to carry you over the "hump", so to speak. You can do this. And, hey! You're here on PsychCentral. And this is a great place to start! 
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Well I used to Roleplay, which is where all of my online friends come from, but we have all gotten older and "real life" basically made it so none of us could really do it anymore. I don't have a webcam and don't know if any of them do or not. I guess I could ask. I'm always a mess, tho, because if I "get ready" and end up not going anywhere, I tend to get even more depressed. So I'm pretty much in my PJs / lounge clothes all the time.
My attempt almost 3 years ago.. doctors said I was 15 minutes away from succeeding. I wish that I had never called out for help when I woke up scared and reacting like I did. I wish I had just remembered what was going on and let it happen :/
I guess I just feel like the things that have kept me going all this time aren't really succeeding anymore.