I see a lot of sense in what you say Juliana, and I also find some similarities to my own situation (again!)

I *know* I am good at my job, I *know* I'm reasonably smart, and I know I'm reasonably attractive. I have those things to fall back on. I cannot afford to let my d-thing show at work so I work really hard to try and hide it ...

I am sort of seeing an ex-bf who lives in a different city. We're up and down for work all the time between our jobs. Well - not ALL the time - but the most time that lapses is usually 2 weeks. That suits me just fine because I don't need to pretend all the time.

He suggested we travel together soon, maybe move to the UK (I am looking at another stint overseas). I don't think I could handle that though.

I hope you work out what is best for you UCLA