Starting to feel depressed again. Trying to stop smoking but it's causing me to feel depressive thoughts. Very hard to handle. This morning feeling down. I got a relief for a while from depression, but life not moving forward causing me to feel down again. Not knowing anyone but the family I live with. Not being able to go outside and move around freely. I walked around the block couple of days ago. Sort of felt good. I'm doing this 100 days of happiness where you post something that makes you happy. Sort of makes me see things that make you happy throughout the day. Not much was happening yesterday to be happy. Feeling really lonely now. Ex husband have a happy life. Wish mine was too. He found someone quickly after me or maybe he was already seeing the person. It took me a long time to find someone who likes me and I like back. I thought he liked me for me, but he didn't. He wasn't there for me when my depression started 8 years ago. He left me. I guess, he needed to find his happiness which he found. Much better than bring there for a depressed person. Feeling really lousy about myself. Would like to help the family who took me in, but feel powerless not to help them financially...as I have no finance. I don't see a way out of where I am. Been trying thing and ......just feel really lousy. Starting to cry...smoke inside of me ...weekends are worst. I don't want to go back when I was feeling suicidal again