Been there. I'm sorry you're hurting. Be glad of two things, if you can....it WASN'T 20 drinks....and 2 drinks causing you to 'let him in' isn't fatal, even as it seems so at the moment. When it's happening, it seems like it's a forever thing. But forgive yourself, and start again (and I'm guessing of course, that you let him in emotionally, as apposed to in your house, and can't get him out).

I had to start over several times after the break up....not because I had contact, but because I'd think of him, hurt, WISH I had contact, beat myself up because of the wish....and there he'd be...in my head again for what seemed like forever. And I'd start again, with a new resolve until I finally could think of him without being afraid I'd never get him out...because, eventually, he couldn't get back in.

Take care