I've just got to make myself be patient as I have been told several times this was going to be a long and slow road. I so want to work, but I know that any stress will put me right back into my destructive behavior. I've also got to control my boredom which also gets me into those behaviors as well. I'm also trying to be determined to not snap back with the ocd and occupy my time with crap that is so irrelevant to life. I usually do and burn myself out just like I do with jobs. Oh if I could taste a little normalcy in life without the constant up and down factor, maybe just maybe, I could get on a good track.