So, i know that this thread has been a dud -- i get that it is selfish of me to want both relationships and that there isn't much sympathy to be gotten for that sort of emotion. Still, it helps to write about it, so i am going to.

I think the thing that keeps me hooked is that:
1. i have a pattern of looking for rejection to validate my negative self-image.
2. i was rejected, in a way, by this man and his wife, who at one point wanted to spend time with me and my partner -- until i got too intense. they like to keep a distance.
3. they present to the world an image of the perfect family. that is his thing anyway. it is nice to hang out with him and his wife, because she doesn't mind not appearing perfect.

Anyway, i know i am mixed up, which is why i am looking for support here. I also know that i am not presenting reality correctly because i don't see things clearly. On the other hand, reality is not so cut and dry either....