Albert Ellis invented what we now call CBT. He changed therapy forever and that's why he was considered the world's greatest living psychologist. He changed the world. REBT stands for Rational-Emotive-Behavior Therapy. I prefer it over other forms of CBT because REBT emphasizes the emotive aspects of our lives just as much as the cognitive and behavioral. I'm an emotional person. I need a therapy that recognizes my feelings as an equal part of the mix because sometimes my emotions seem to overwhelm everything else.

I saw the "Gloria" videos when I was a college sophomore and knew immediately that Albert Ellis' approach could help me. I bought his book, "The New Guide to Rational Living" and began doing the suggested exercises. In a nutshell: Albert Ellis and REBT saved my life.

Much later in life, when I had become a professional, Dr. Ellis and I became colleagues and friends. Yes, he had an abrasive personality at times -- he was a self-described Jewish Kid who grew up the hard way in the Bronx -- but he was also kind and gentle and generous. He swore a lot, but he did not swear at people or personally attack them. He swore, he said, because that's how people talk to themselves. They call themselves and others S%$ts and F#$@kers and losers and end up enraging themselves or spiraling down. I don't recall him ever using a single swear word with me in private conversation. He very clearly used the language for shock value -- to shock us out of pretending we don't call ourselves and others all those words. The man was all about honesty and helping us to become honest without condemnation of any sort.

He started publicly swearing back in the days when it was truly shocking. Now, it just seems quaint because society has changed and the problem is that even little kids swear in public. But back then, people were choking on their unspoken words, suffering panic attacks and self-hatred because they wanted to shout S^*T from the rooftops but thought their world would collapse if they uttered a true feeling out loud. That's why Al swore publicly. It was time for people to stop choking on their unspoken words.

The most important aspect of REBT is acceptance -- of self, others and life. He was a genius at validating people without validating our B.S. (which we all have, being human.) He used humor, confrontation and gentleness. He knew when to confront and when to comfort. It was amazing to see him in action.

We often disturb ourselves through condemnation and hatred toward self and others. Al taught me that even if some of my behaviors were rotten, it didn't mean I was a rotten person. I was a person who sometimes made mistakes, which I could accept as part of being human and I could take action to correct my mistakes -- or at least not repeat them -- instead of wallowing in guilt and shame. He validated my humanity without validating my self-defeating perceptions, beliefs, thoughts, feelings and actions. He let me decide what was right for me, while at the same time helping me understand that if I broke the rules of society, especially if my actions harmed other people, there would be consequences that I'd have to deal with. He never once told me what to do or condemned me if I messed up. Instead, he taught me how to make effective decisions that I could live with. He taught me how to become the master of my actions.

REBT is an active therapy. It's a lot of work for both the client and therapist. If therapists lack a sense of humor and kindness, they won't do the techniques justice. Albert Ellis was one of the kindest and funniest people I ever met. He helped thousands of people, providing free weekly workshops and low-cost individual therapy. If people had big problems and little money, he'd charge them $25 for a private session.

REBT is a great self-help therapy. If you don't have access to a therapist, you can use Al's books in the privacy of your room to learn how to get better. Al always said it was not his goal to help people feel better in the moment. He wanted them to get better and stay better so they could enjoy their lives without needless shame, guilt, anger, depression, loneliness, etc.

My favorite REBT book is How To Stubbornly Refuse to Make Yourself Miserable About Anything, Yes, Anything! It has short chapters with exercises so that you can self-learn at your own pace. I highly recommend it.

Albert Ellis was a genius and a wonderful human being who had flaws and defects, just as we all do. He often used his own problems and mistakes as teaching tools to help others realize that it's okay to be less than perfect in your actions, to make mistakes and to learn from them. He admitted his flaws to the world. He continued working on those flaws and correcting any errors he made right up until the day he died. I consider myself lucky to have known him. He was, indeed, the world's greatest living psychologist.

However, different people have different needs. If Al's approach is too confrontive or rough and tumble for you, you might enjoy Dr. William Glasser's Choice Theory. Bill Glasser was as gentlemanly as Al was rascally. His Choice Theory is compatible with REBT. It takes a much gentler approach. REBT emphasizes the individual and Choice emphasizes relationships. Both approaches work.