It takes a lot of energy to keep up a facade.
Once you remove it and present yourself authentically you will have a lot of freed up energy.
I recall the time I told my t how 'bad' I really am, what a mistake I am to mankind, what a nuisance I am to society, etc. In fact, it was so hard to say it, I had her read it from a paper.
I thought I was sharing stuff about myself that was sure to surprise her.
Instead, she said, ''I know about all of this'' A good therapist is not stupid, they know that beneath the facade lies a hurt and vulnerable human being. A good t will have compassion for the vulnerable person inside.
It takes courage to come to a session and say ''I have had such an awfully difficult week, I fear you will think less of me if you know I am not all that perfect as I would have you think.''
Gosh, what else is therapy about if not a place where we can be ourselves....
Seems you might be ready to take that leap.
Best of luck!