unfortunately, my wife is across the country and also struggling with her own stuff. I did write to my T, and managed to string a few things together in doing so. A lot of my current si methods are deeply rooted in my abuse. I found I have degrees of si at the moment, and can engage in lesser activities that bring the same relief with less physical damage (I won't think about the psychological damage done, because it's less of an immediate issue at the moment, and I get into less outside trouble for it). I'm going to continue to use that for the moment.

I'm really, really hopeing I can gather the courage to ask my T for some time earlier in the week (she will be back from vacation on Wed, but I am not slated to see her till Friday. I am not sure how well I can take even getting through till Wed for a phone check-in if she has no open time slots... I'm not sure how un-harmed I can keep myself till Friday, but I will try).

Thank you for the support everyone.