I am wondering if these self hatred, insecure, disgusting, horrible feelings I have are depression? I feel like I am crawling and everyone else is running. I feel ugly, more than just physically, but just....sour. I can't remember how to enjoy myself. Last year, I gave. Up everything and moved to a city where I no no one for a man. We had a baby right away and I have no friends. Not that I want any, I have serious trust issues. I am beeeeeyond one insecure. I always assume he's cheating, I'm always going through his stuff and I feel as though, in some way, I'm sabotaging our love. He's beautiful and amazing. Granted, we were both married when we ran off together and he did go back to his ex wife for a week, he hasn't messed up at all since then. A normal person would forgive such things and move on right!?

Some days I feel like everyone is in on this huge joke, or know something I don't...and I am left playing the part of the fool.

I have a 6 year old son who is satan himself. He's mean, and vulgar, he's violent and absolutely lazy. He's no fun to be around, but being an at home mom to him n my 3 month old it's impossible NOT to be around him.

I am kid two fearing what I am feeling. Besides the self loathing, that is evident..... How do I overcome? I can't see a dr and meds are way out of the question. Maybe I just need a pal? Will you be my pal??