I've been going down hill since December, but at a much faster rate since Feb. In April a friend finally talked me into making an appointment with a psychologist but I wasn't able to get in until June 3rd, so I've been waiting months for this upcoming appointment. This past week and the week before were particularly bad, with lots of crying, sleeping, and almost no productivity. My body hurts, my limbs weight 1000 pounds, I can hardly hold my head up because I'm so exhausted. At the urging of a friend I called the dr (psychologist) yesterday to see if I could squeeze in sooner, telling them I need acute care at this point. They were completely inflexible and blew me off, saying I should contact my primary care doctor because they couldn't do anything for me. Grrrrrrrrr. I messaged my primary doc and told her about the shape I'm in, but she wasn't there so the on call doc messaged me, telling me that he could get me in to see my regular doc early next week, he could prescribe zoloft (which I've been on before but quit due to uncomfortable side effects), and that I should go to the ER if I start feeling even worse. It was an entire day of what felt like Herculean effort, and every communication with medical "professionals" I found myself sobbing and feeling more and more hopeless. I'm sure dealing with head cases like me gets old, but there were no words of reassurance, no finding someone for me to talk to. I'm so tired, so frustrated, so sad. Why is it so difficult to find good mental health care?? Why is there no triage for people like me in my health care network?? I'm lucky to have good friends who support me but they're not mental healthcare professionals and i hate being so needy. I know they're there for me but I'm sick of being the one who's f-ed up and hanging on by my toenails.

Super frustrating and exhausting. I know this scenario isn't foreign to most of you on here. Now that I've vented, I guess my question is, how do I self-advocate and get the things I need when I'm so incapacitated and don't have the fortitude to do that anymore? The nature of depression is that it robs you of your self-sufficiency, making it hard enough to pick up the phone and call for help but then why do typical mental health care offices make it even more difficult by being so unsupportive and unavailable? ARGH.