Thank you Thiswayout your reply was so understanding and helpful! One of things I will do is write on here just to get it out of me. Sometimes if I'm internally freaking out and I have nowhere to share it I will be more likely to self harm. I also, probably wrongly, don't want to email my therapist as recently I have a lot and she won't see if for 3 days anyway. But I am keeping it as a big option. I find music really helpful too and will use that to try and help me sleep tonight. Sometimes everything is feels too big physically and music can reduce it down if I have it right next to me and I'm sitting somewhere not too in the open. Breathing deeply helps too when I'm feeling that way. I will do that.

I am definitely trying to stay in the moment of the festivities as much as I can. I found that really hard earlier on my first post and I thought I would explode but it has gotten a bit more relaxed tonight. Tomorrow I can imagine it will be the same. If I keep putting it off and find somewhere to hide if I need some time out, that may be helpful to have as a plan as much as possible. One section/activity at a time.

I don't have any plans for my time off; stuff have not been good for a while but it went worse quickly. But I will try to do that early next week. I can't tell anyone here anything, because I don't know them well and also very inappropriate!

As long as I dont have those horrible huge urges where all of me is screaming to destroy myself and I want to rip off my skin to get out of it - I can manage. I have gotten through today!

Thanks for your understanding and advice.