SusanCook911,
I have spent many, many visits to the hospital over the last 13 years. I must have been in at least 30 times! Some hospitals are terrible and uncaring. You may have to go to several different ones to find a good hospital the next time you have to go in. From the sound of your message, you may actually consider going back in soon. Ending your life really is not the answer. I do understand having that feeling that going into a deep, dark, black sleep would be peaceful. I have been there!

Finding the right doctor, the right meds, the right therapist, and a good hospital with an active program of intensive group therapy, informational groups, recreational groups, groups for fun activities (games and art), and a staff of really good RNs and Mental Health Workers, are all keys to getting stable/and/or well. Have you found someone to teach you DBT? Both CBT and DBT have been helpful for me.

Keep talking to us here at this site. Talk to a therapist. And know that there are people who really care. Please keep as calm as you can. Many of us suffer with intense symptoms. We do get through them, and over them. The way you feel now will not last. It always does get better. Stay safe. Viv.