Quote:
Originally Posted by JosieTheGirl
Ok.
STOP.
BREATHE.
You don't sound stalkery, or over the top about how you have been trying to interact with this person, given it seem this all came out of the blue.
Speaking as a person who DOES often need time if she's angry before addressing the situation? I can still say that what is going on here smacks of manipulation of some sort.
I have often felt in the past that it is important to address a situation as quickly as is possible- the caveat being that if one is too upset, worked up, etc to be thoughtful in their words and actions, they take the time needed to get to that place.
If this person isn't there after over a week?
-They don't want to address whatever it is.
-The issue actually doesn't have much to do with you.
-There is not really an issue, they just kind of suck.
-something I'm not accounting for: always a possibility.
None of those are fun choices.
But it is completely unreasonable to hold someone off for that long. My cut off has always been at the most 48 hours, and that is if I am extremely upset, AND have other things that take priority, and am not feeling well, and and and.
The more you make someone wait, the more you put them at a disadvantage and manipulate them into a vulnerable position and that is not a nice, caring, fair thing to do. It creates an imbalance and, in my [obviously not at all humble] opinion, it should only be done if absolutely necessary.
It also seems like you just really have no idea why this person is suddenly upset with you. Which makes it even weirder.
If they are depressed or something, they should say they aren't feeling well- not that they are angry with you. And that's not your responsiblity to suss out someone who isn't being clear about what they are feeling.
Honestly?
I use steam, it's not impossible to refriend someone.
I would take them off my friend list. It is causing you great distress and it is unecessary, in my opinion.
Whether this person is angry at you or experiencing some major crises in their life or depressed or whatever else- regardless they are being extremely careless when even a very very simple explanation might alleviate some of the distress you are feeling.
They are being careless, stop putting yourself through that?
<3
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I was thinking about unfriending him for the time being and then adding him later on, the only thing thats holding me back from that is what he else has on his profile, which is that hes not accepting any new friend request/group invites. If I did remove him though and tried to add him later on, if he refuses my invite then I guess I'd have my answer to this whole mess finally. Then again, I dont want to remove him and then have him get the idea that I don't want to be friends.
I'm really fighting the urge to just try and chat him up and attempt a normal conversation, partially out of fear of being rejected again and partially because I don't want to botch anything and have him prolong this silence. Its very possible that he just doesnt want to talk about what started this and the fact that I have attempted to get to the bottom of it every time I talked to him in the past is what hes bothered by. Maybe he thinks if he tries to talk to me I'm just going to immediately bring this all up and thats why he just doesnt say anything.
I'm just going in circles at this point and can't seem to find the strength to remove him. It'll be 3 weeks this Monday and while I'm not as distressed as I was the first day this started it Im still not completely at peace with myself. The fact that I'm still listed as a good friend on his profile is the only thing keeping my hopes up and if i removed him Im sure I'd be able to move on, but I just can't seem to do it. If things are going that way I'd like him to do it but who knows how long that'll take to happen if it happens at all.
Maybe I'm just a glutton for punishment :/.
EDIT: You know, reading what I just typing and taking a look at my actions and feels these past few weeks this is all really one sided (which I've been aware of for awhile but it just hit me now). Why should I have to put so much effort into salvaging things when I havent done anything wrong (to my knowledge). If I have done something wrong I'll own up to it and apologize, but this isnt really fair at all. I've been acting really pathetic lately.