Hello greenpunkergirl:
I don't know if I have any answers for you or not. It sounds to me as if you're in a very difficult place in life, and you're keenly aware of that. When people have a number of burdens upon them they often do feel abandoned by God and sometimes wish to end their pain. If you can find a way to reduce your pain, or find alternate methods of coping with it, you can manage those moments.

Here's one website you might want to bookmark -- Suicide? Read This First. On that page is a link to an organization called The Samaritans. Should you ever find yourself in such a low spot again you can contact them by phone or e-mail.

Moving on. I read through your post and pulled out "the problems". Some of these problems can be changed or eliminated, some of them cannot.

- PCOS
- Low Self Esteem
- Feeling Lonely and Alone
- Unappreciated/Verbal Abuse
- Marriage recently ended/Betrayal
- Work not supportive

Most of the problems you're having right now seem to center around relationships, primarily...

- Your relationship with yourself
- Your relationships with your friends
- Your relationships with your boss and coworkers.

It can be difficult to know where to start when you have that much going on in your life. I suggest a multi-leveled approach. Probably the most important thing you need to do is to build up your own self-esteem but this can be difficult to do in an environment where you don't feel appreciated or valued. You're sort of getting it from both ends right now because you don't feel that at home or at work. I suggest that you intruduce a third element...

Is there something that you love doing, have always wanted to try, or that you're especially good at? This would be a very good time in your life to do those things. Unless you live in a very small town, you probably have access to community colleges and universities -- many of them are offering affordable classes in everything from Thai cooking to black and white photography. There are also a number of organizations that are always looking for volunteers -- your local animal shelter, a home for the elderly, volunteers to snuggle babies, etc. I suggest you find something to do aside from work and home. This will give you the opportunity to build up your esteem away from those environments that are currently detracting from it and may help to weaken that "third wheel" role you seem to feel stuck in.

Something else you might want to consider if it's possible is getting a pet to help provide you with some companionship. A cat gives you something you can put your arms around, you can take a dog for a walk, even a budgie gives you someone to love.

Your relationship with your roomates doesn't sound healthy to me but I've got a hunch you feel like they're all you have which is why you tolerate their treatment, even if it hurts you. I can respect that you wouldn't want to rock that boat right now but it would probably be good for you if you can find non-threatening ways of standing up for yourself. Over the long term, you may find it's to your benefit to leave that living arrangement. As a young woman on your own I don't imagine that you have lots of cash floating around, still... it might not hurt to check out the cost of other accomodations in your area. Perhaps you would find it to your benefit to have a different kind of roomate. For example, you might feel a lot more appreciated living with a single mom who delights in your ability to tidy the house and doesn't mind that you're off doing your own thing on the weekends. Check out the options in your area.

Last but not least, it may be to your benefit to connect with some other women who also have PCOS. They might have all kinds of ideas for how you can successfully manage that aspect of your life and slowly rebuild your esteem. You might be able to find that in a face-to-face format or in an online version.

It's worth adding that your marriage ended not that long ago. You need to grieve, heal and create a new life for yourself -- that takes time. It also takes change, so I would encourage you to start making some changes in your life.

Good luck.

PS: Here's one more link to get you started: The Seven Minute Course in Self Esteem